So here I am getting over yet another flare up this year. I believe this makes four thus far. It's quite discouraging and depressing to say the least. I know everyone keeps telling me to hang in there but quite honestly I am so sick of hanging in there. I hear of people that go years without a flare up and I have had so many in this year alone. Thankfully, the damage hasn't taken my only good eye left and I am still functioning normally. But in that same respect also, I am tired of being thankful for things when so much has been taken from me. MS has taken my sight in my right eye, has caused pain in my legs, repeated attacks of vomitting, and I can never be sure if I will be able to hold a steady job again. It's taken my sense of security, my hopes of the future, and my general sense of well being. It has mostly taken away my sense of normalcy. Everytime I hope this is the last flare up I have to deal with for a while along comes another.
It's so hard sometimes to get myself out of this way of thinking when everything just seems so bleak all the time. I do my best with it though for my kids and husband. I'm just so tired of fighting. I completely understand now that when people are so ill they just give up. It's not because they are weak or depressed really, it's just the constant fighting wears you down. There is really only so much one person can take. I don't understand why I had to get MS. Why me? Why not some horrible person who does horrible things? Why do good people get dealt such crappy hands? I know I am whining a lot. I guess I just need to vent.
And I suppose whining about it isn't going to help or make it better. At this point I don't know what will make it better. Just trying my best and doing the best with what I have. That's all I really can do...that's all really anyone can do.