I do have to say I understand the allure of drugs. I understand both aspects of it which are the user aspect and the seller aspect. It's not that I encourage this behavior and believe it is acceptable in any way but I can put myself in the shoes of both the user and the seller. First, let's take a look at the user. When you think of a drug user you think of someone that is filthy, incoherent, unsanitary, and basically just a loser. I do agree these aren't necessarily false. But users come in all forms such as the business man, the teacher, the mom and basically anyone who is prosperous in life. So why the allure of heroin, crack or prescription meds? One basic thought jumps to mind...ESCAPE. It is an escape from your own reality, the life that you are living. People who have difficulties in their lives, just want a break from the hardships and the reality of it all. I can totally understand that. Dealing with an incurable chronic illness, depression, panic attacks and the constant reminder of our financial hardships makes me want to escape it all desperately. My form of escape though is sleep. When I'm asleep all my problems disappear and I can be anyone or do anything I want. I'm glad I am drawn to sleep than drugs because I would seriously be an addict. I was on neurotin for awhile due to the severe nerve pain from some flare ups. It left me feeling loopy and like I was in a fog. I wouldn't call it a high because I wasn't all revved up or happy but I guess it had the effect more like a downer. I hated it. I hate feeling cloudy like that. But I can still comprehend other people turning to drugs. Life is freaking hard and tiring. You get worn down physically and emotionally. Now, some people don't really have any serious problems but turn to drugs to escape the sheer mundane routine of their lives. I assume this is a way to escape that feeling and possibly wanting to have more fun. Others turn to drugs because of a mental illness. I can understand that also since I have that. You try anything and everything to get out from underneath that crushing weight, anything to get yourself out of your own mind. As for rich people I don't really know why they turn to drugs. It always confused me because that if you have the kind of money you don't have to worry about bills and you can treat yourself to a lot of things. But maybe there are other issues like family problems, emotional problems, or perhaps because they have it easier financially they just get bored. They could possibly be exposed to that party atmosphere more than most are and really don't have to worry about grueling through a job everyday to make ends meet. Now, as for the dealers, I assume that is just a way for adding extra income. People like me that haven't any type of career and college education, our choices of employment are limited. These limited choices lead to jobs that are minimum wage and really no room for advancement. You can make a hell of a lot more money dealing drugs than a job at McDonald's. I am not putting anyone who works at McDonald's down, not at all. I worked those type of jobs most of my life. It's freaking hard ass work for shit pay. So I do acknowledge the selling of drugs as being more prosperous. Of course, this doesn't mean I am taking that path nor do I recommend anyone else either. There is always a terrible aspect for either of these situations as I am sure you are all aware. No longer is that drug an pleasurable escape, it becomes a necessity because when you're without it your body just feels horrible. Then you need it just to feel somewhat normal. There is always a comprehensible reason behind someone doing something that generally is a bad idea.
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Who doesn't love to snuggle up in your favorite chair, with a glass of wine or tea, and dive head first into an alternate reality? No. I am not talking about mind altering drugs being slipped into your drink. I am talking about a book. Yes, a book. One of the oldest forms of media that has withstood the test of time. We just don't read a book. We visualize it like a movie being created in our minds with each sentence read. We savor it, feel the emotions of the characters, laugh, cry, hope, and fear along as the story unfolds before our very eyes. It is a very nice, little, and inexpensive escape from reality. Especially for people like me who hardly can afford putting food on the table let alone a sweet island vacation. But when does this little escape become more and more like a permanent leave of absence from reality of our ordinary lives? Is there such a line to be crossed? If so, is it a very fine line or does it depend on your personality or the reality of your own life?
Very interesting questions that really no one can answer but yourself. There have been plenty of days that I have found myself escaping more and more into my reading and writing passions. Sometimes it gets to the point that I feel I have blurred the boundaries between reality and fiction. Other times I prefer to being in this alternate universe than my actual own life. Let's face it, our lives are so much more awesome and exciting in our heads. It becomes easy to want to be in your head more when your life there is more adventurous, thrilling, and pleasurable. But I do believe there is a line that needs to be made aware of. The more you become engulfed with a different reality the more you disconnect from the actual reality your are living. That in turns leaves feelings of not only distance, but sadness, anxiety, and loneliness. And if we spend so much of our time in a made up reality how can we ever turn our actual reality into something more pleasurable to ourselves? During hardships, like the Great Depression, do you know what activities became prominent? Of course, the obvious answer is suicide and getting drunk but besides that do you know? Library book rentals. That's right. People wanted and needed an escape from the harsh reality they were living in. But that escape from reality can be both a life vest and an anchor. Which bring us back to the to the one sure and redundant answer...moderation. Everything needs to be done in moderation such as drinking, partying, eating, exercise, and yes even reading. But don't let that discourage your passion for reading. It is a timeless form of entertainment that is to be enjoyed. Just be sure to put some effort to bringing joy in your ACTUAL lives. This statement in itself seems contradictory from first glance. But when you really dig deep into its meaning you get the idea. There has been plenty occasions of great suffering during America's history alone that has each its own great reward. Take the Revolutionary War for example. Many suffered and died but from that war America gained its independence from England. During the Civil War, out all its despair, accomplished the eradication of slavery. We can not forget WWII. A lot of death, suffering, and sorrow came from that war but Jewish and the tortured people by Adolf Hitler finally came to an end. So it can be said that from great suffering comes great rewards. It just depends on your perspective.
This doesn't only apply to wars and and worldly matters. It can always be seen through the lives of each single person on a daily basis. Each person has their own cross to bear and the suffering that goes along with it. During our times of sufferings we can not see what reward can possibly come from it. I doubt the men fighting in those wars didn't visualize, on an individual basis, what reward would come out of their suffering. It is a hard thing to realize when you are actually going through the suffering. But in hind sight it is always clear. Sometimes, if you are able to take a step back from your own personal struggle you might catch a glimpse of the good that can come out of it. During times of struggle, when things seem so unbearable, we must train ourselves to take that step back and see the bigger picture. It's puts it into perspective and the cross we carry does not seem quite as heavy anymore. Another way of trying to remind yourself that good can come out of a horrible situation is by reading inspirational stories of people from all walks of life and how they got through their own personal challenges. It gives you hope and we all need hope. It is our life line. Keep clinging to it and you will find your way through the dark. Today marks the first day of the Lenten season for Catholics. It is called Ash Wednesday. It is a holy day of obligation for Catholics in which they receive the ashes, that were made from last year's palms, placed on their foreheads in the shape of a cross by the priest. The ashes represent a few things. The first thing they represent ofcourse is the beginning of the Lenten Season. The second thing they represent is an outwardly sign of being in a state of penance. Finally, it represents what God told us in the Bible. Don't quote me exactly; "From ashes you were brought forth and to ashes you shall return." As you can probably tell from my knowledge, yes I am Catholic and yes I attended 12 years of Catholic school.
I kind of like the one about us returning to ashes. It is a simple reminder that our life here on earth is only temporary. This life is just a pit stop on our whole journey. Of course it is hard to fathom this since we only really are aware of this life that we are living now and it seems to be everything and the only thing to us. I grapple with that too. It's hard to imagine this as being just a pit stop but then I try to remember that my faith teaches me that it is just that. Returning to ashes also reminds me of how fragile we really are. Sometimes we forget that. With all of our technological advances, medicinal advances, and being the superior species we tend to think of ourselves as sometimes indestructible or untouchable. But we are! We see it everyday on the news of death, violence, assaults, and illnesses. We see this news so much we are almost desensitized towards it. (I don't think I spelled that word correctly, oh well.) Death is all around us all the time. Yet somehow we still think of ourselves as somewhat untouchable like we are thinking, "That would never happen to me. Not in my neighborhood." But it does and it will at some point in time. We are fragile. We do return to ashes. We need to stop over-inflating our egos and realize this. We need to get off of our pedastool. The impact we are having on the world, different species, and the environment is tragic. It's like we are all wearing over-sized combat boots as we stomp around this delicate earth. We need a slap of reality that we are only but a mere thread in the fabric of life and the tapestry of the universe. Lent is a time to share in the Passion of our Lord. It isn't a joyous time. It is the time Jesus is sent to be crucified. It is a time of sorrow, deep repentance, fasting, alms giving and abstinence. I'm not trying to make it all to be all gloomy because it isn't. If Jesus didn't go through this then we couldn't end up celebrating His Resurrection and our entry way into heaven. This is a time to reflect on our sins, faults, and behaviors. It isn't just for Catholics because anyone can do this. Not just for Lent either. It is healthy and keeps us humble by acknowledging our mistakes and asking for forgiveness to any god that you worship and to any person in our lives that we should vocally apologize to. It's a cleansing. And in today's world I think everyone could benefit from a cleansing of the soul, mind, and heart. I honestly believe it should be a necessity. Think of Jesus' passion as a seed. A seed loses its shell and dies in order for it to take root and spring forth new life. This can apply to our troubles in life also. Hardships are bestowed upon us so that we can lose our tough exterior and break us down in order for us to have new life. As you know I am currently working on a book titled, I Bet You Didn't Think MS Could Look This Good. Recently an idea just hit me out of nowhere like as if someone just slapped me across the face. I have an idea for another book, fictional this time. I sat with that idea in my head for a few days because I thought I should be putting all my efforts into the one that isn't even done yet. I mean it is like 90% done but hasn't been copyrighted, edited, and most of all published yet. But this idea kept burning my mind. The passion to start writing it grew more as I tried to deny it. I have to say I did like that feeling. It has been such a long time since I felt passionate about anything. I'm not talking about sexual passion but passion for life or for a set goal. I adore that feeling. It drives you. It sustains you. It gives you hope and purpose.
When I was a teenager I was passionate about almost everything. I looked at graduation high school as my sweet freedom to live life the way I wanted to and not how I was told to. That didn't last too long. Once out in the real world that passion gets sucked away pretty quickly. Before you know it you are just another cog. Someone working a job they hate but don't quite because this isn't like the movies. This is real life. If you quit your job you fall behind on your bills and eventually could lose your house among many other things. So you stick to this mundane routine because it's the responsible thing to do. I wish it was like the movies where you can throw caution to the wind and just get up and do what you want, whatever you want. Honestly though, that thought kind of scares me because I have become conditioned to be responsible especially when you have children relying on you. Passion is surely needed though. It doesn't matter for what but we have to have it for something because otherwise your world becomes just a gloomy place. It's definitely hard to hold onto that passion also. It can be so much like trying to hold sand within you hand, but yet it keeps slipping out between the cracks of your fingers. It's very elusive and when you finally feel it, well, it like an addiction. You want it more and more. I have no idea how to try to keep the passion burning inside of me or inside of you. Life, jobs, bills, kids, and many other things chip away at it. I would be content if I could feel that passion just three times a week. It would be something to sustain me in hard times and quite simply mundane times. My dog feels that passion every time she hears me get her leash out to take her on a walk. A WALK!? Where's that simple excitement in us anymore? How do we hold onto it once we felt it? I believe it's as necessary as food and water because it feeds the soul. Fueling the soul is a lot harder task when you really thing about it. I would probably say, and I might be wrong, that 1 out of every 5 people suffers from some mental illness. I am one myself. I have had clinical depression along with panic attacks since I was 18 years old. We as a people do need "soul food" and we need to get it more often. Otherwise, life can be so bland and gloomy. The trick is finding that passion and not letting it slide out of fingers too much. If anyone can tell me how to do that please, I beg of you, let me in on your secret. |
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